My so-called adventure in online dating


My proactive procrastination (in the deadly month of April) has led me to playing around with OkCupid, an online dating site that is dubbed “the Google of online dating,” and to be honest, this site amazes me as to how LGBTQ+-friendly it is. Here are 7 reasons why OkCupid rocks!

1. For my gender, I have 22 options (man, woman, agender, androgynous, etc.) that I can choose up to 5, meaning that there are a total of  26334 possible combinations with regard to my gender. Isn’t it cool? Especially when you consider the fact that most legal documents only have (some have an option called Other, but from my own experience, there are not many out there).

2. The same goes for my orientation!  I have 12 options (ranging from straight, heterosexual to queer, questioning) that I can choose up to 5, making it 792 possible combinations. OkCupid, is this love at first sight or what? Because I am really falling for you.

3. I can choose whether or not I’d like to see or be seen by straight people. While this doesn’t concern me, I really appreciate that the site makes an effort to accommodate for others’ needs to find their dates only within queer community.

4. I found a lot of people I know at RC who don’t identify as gay in real life but are more open about their gender and orientation on OkCupid.

5. Men seem to be more expressive on OkCupid. For all the guys I have stalked so far, they share their thoughts and emotions more freely than I assume they would in real life, especially in Lynchburg, where there are certain expectations as to how men should act.

6. Women talk more about their sexual desire and preferences/fantasies. Again, this is only limited to the women I have seen so far, but my impression is that they are not afraid of discussing these topics openly. Now, imagine a woman talking about how much she likes bondage sex or orgy in the D-Hall, people may judge her and spread rumors about how slutty she is.

7. OkCupid can be used both for hook-ups and long-term relationships. This gives people of all gender more freedom and does not bind sex and relationship together.

Much as I appreciate OkCupid’s pro-feminism environment, there is one thing that really bugs me — racial preferences. From my observation and from this statistics, most people prefer to date someone of their own race (which is understandable and I have no problem with it). But:

  • More white men want to date Asian/Latina women than white women want to date Asian/Latina men
  • Asian men and women are not very excited about black men and women
  • Matches between white men/women and black men/women are minimal

What do these facts mean to you? What do you think of this trend in relationship preference? Does it mean that Asian and Latina women are being in high demand as something exotic? And does it mean that black people are so oppressed that all other races don’t want to date them? Please comment and let me know what you think!



3 thoughts on “My so-called adventure in online dating

  1. I do wonder why there is such a difference in racial diverse dating. Is it just the way people are raised? Family expectations? Or that it’s just the race they are used to being around. This topic could probably go on for days, but it is very interesting to think about. Good point bringing it up!


    • Thank you for your comment. I think the low number of interracial relationships/marriages, as compared to those in which both partners are of the same race, somehow indicates the level of insulation one race has toward another. In the far past when transportation was still limited and migration was not as common , it’s understandable why people dated someone of their own race because there weren’t many “others” to choose from. However, in this time and age where you can see someone of a different race almost everywhere you go (not so much in Lynchburg, unfortunately), it is kind of bizarre to me why people are still not that into interracial relationships.
      I found a pretty cool Pew Research about interracial marriages (here is the link: and learned that actually, interracial marriages rise from 6.7% to 15% (of the total marriages in the States) between 1980 and 2012. However, “among all newlyweds in 2010, 9% of whites, 17% of blacks, 26% of Hispanics and 28% of Asians married out.” It seems to me that white people seem to be less likely to date or get married to someone of other race, do you think they are brought up to be that way?


  2. Do be careful on OKCupid. While it is easy to indicate if you are or are not looking for casual sex, it is quite often the case that such preferences are not respected by other users (particularly cishet white men). Obviously that can be somewhat remedied by making it so that one cannot be seen by straight people, but that doesn’t solve the problem entirely. When I first made an account, I found myself propositioned regularly by complete strangers, regardless of the fact that I stated clearly in multiple places on my profile that I was not looking for casual sex. So, while it is extremely queer-friendly (a recent development, I might add – it did not look that way at all last year), I urge any readers looking into this website to be careful, and to know what they’re getting into.


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