Catching the Feels

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ATTENTION PARTY GOERS AND CLUB RATS: It brings me great joy to let you in on a few party etiquette tips.

Let’s begin

Tip #1: When a group of ladies are weaving their way through a crowd, our passing by you is not an invitation to wrap your hands around our waist. When we walk by, it is most likely to get to another spot in the room, preferably one away from your wandering hands.

Yes. We’re attractive, we smell fabulous, and most often tie it all together with a surplus of wit and charm. We are aware.

You should be aware of the fact that I did not wear this all for you, and no neither my outfit nor the drink in my hand says that I’m “asking for it.”

And no, it was not and will never be crowded enough for you to be forced into placing your hand conveniently on my lower back.

If I want you to touch me, I’ll make it known, and that usually entails me acknowledging your existence for starters. Also eye contact, smiling at you directly, and talking to you will most likely be involved.

Tip #2: Under no circumstances will it ever be o.k. to smack a woman’s ass in public. When it’s a private setting and she has expressly condoned it, sure. You do you. But simply because you’ve exchanged hellos in the dining hall, or perhaps swapped saliva a few weeks ago is not a good enough reason to spank me. I am not your “bro,” you do not see me wearing white spandex, we are not on a field about to make a play…

And if you think that hitting me in front of your friends will allow you to feel dominant in some small fleeting moment of your life, I can promise you it will be short-lived and quickly replaced with the stigma of abusive asshole.

Tip #3: If I’m dancing, I’m dancing for me, not for you. This may mean with you or not, either way, don’t expect me to passively accept you grabbing me from behind and holding me against your sweaty body.

Tip #4: Also, if you fall into the category of creepy-dude-who-sneakily-inches-his-way-up-behind-a-girl-in-hopes-that-if-he-stares-or-crouches-over-her-long-enough-she-will-eventually-give-up-all-standards-she’s-ever-had, please leave… asap!

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I find it disappointing that these things need to be spelled out in general. But what may be a little more disturbing is the fact that in speaking to several women on campus, any number of instances between 1-4 can be expected to occur at any given night that a girl decides to go out (from a personal standpoint, all four in one night). This is unsurprisingly not just confined to a college party environment. I’ve experienced it in both bars and clubs off campus as well.

Changing our views on entitlement over women’s bodies is one major step in solving this dilemma, but so is making sure it’s clear what is and isn’t o.k. for each individual. Don’t be pressured into pushing mute on your standards of how people should treat you. You are valid, and so is the respect for your body that everyone should have!

Sincerely,

Taria, xoxo

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4 thoughts on “Catching the Feels

  1. Perfect for college culture everywhere. This is a “touchy” subject to say the least. I agree with you completely. Women should be able to feel sexy or where whatever they want without someone grabbing all over them.

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  2. OMG! I love this post and it’s 10000% accurate on what happens at parties these days. I wish I could print this out and post it in EVERY hallway, bathroom, and dorm on campus. It is disgusting that some people think that depending on what some people wear, it means that she is asking for it. It does not! AHH people make me mad. Like, we know their mothers would not approve what these boys are doing at parties. Use your brains boys… geeze.

    GREAT POST!!

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    • Thank you for your support. I like your idea. Perhaps a list of do’s and don’t’s or a list of translations as to what our body language or actions usually mean in certain situations!

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